Results

After all the phone calls, messages, and finally speaking with my doctor - I got the real story. Which is still very much a story of, "we don't know". We don't know what my abnormal lab value means in the context of day to day life - I don't have a leukemia, so it doesn't mean that my counts are getting worse, I don't have any major clotting disorders, but I do have an increased marker for inflammation. In the context of pregnancy, my abnormal lab value means that I will have to take baby aspirin and heparin injections if we decide to have another baby. It means I have a one in three chance of getting HELLP again, and it means that I have done everything I can to find out my predisposition for HELLP, and now I have a means of "treating" to help avoid the early onset and severe case of HELLP that I had before.

I feel much more at peace with things - much more prepared to face another pregnancy - much more in control of my health. I like that feeling.

My main concerns now rest in not being able to birth a baby. Yes, I can have a baby, but can I actually labor and birth a baby - or will our next pregnancy result in another c-section under general anesthesia, where I don't even know what is going on, am out of it for hours afterwords, and take no part in delivering my child? I know that would upset me. Seems childish - so long as we have a healthy baby that survives, I should be so lucky. And yet, it doesn't seem to be enough.

Will humans never be happy?